April 25, 2016
We have be going through some finacial hard times, like everyone else. We thought our mortgage company was helping us by lowering our payment, but have found out they are not helping as we thought. Althiugh we have been making our lowered payments on time, we now need $20,0000 or we will lose our house. We have 2 young children, and no family to help us out financially. We are putting this in God's hands, that he may guide us where we need, or deliver the right person to help us. For now we are continuing to try to get answers and hope for the best.
April 20, 2016
I'm laying here. I can't sleep. My life sucks so bad. This isn't where I wanted to be at 34. I must of done something pretty bad in a past life for mine to end up like this. The only joy I get is when I get to shop even if its penny items. I love my daughter but I'd love her better if I had a say so in having her. I sit here in the dark at think to myself why. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person. I don't break the law. I don't steal and do bad things. Why can't I catch a break? I'm so got sick of this life. Where is my break? Is this how life supposed to be? If so why would I want to live? I'm a firm believer in God and everything happens for a reason but this is too much. I'm sick of carrying around this burden. When do I get to live? I'm sick of hearing give time or its gonna be ok. Its been 14yrs ... Nothing is going to work out or be ok. I'm sick of scraping by month to month. I'm tired of being nice and optimistic. I want to live. But what I'm living is not a life. I'm tired so tired. What about me? Everything I do is always for someone else. Maybe its my kids or me helping someone. I didn't myself and get myself pregnant yet everyday I must face a life in this prison called home. I'm constantly screaming to get out but no one hears me. God I beg you please, please help me or bring me home. Im so tired of doing whats right and having to be the underdog. Im tired of noodles. I want eat regular food like everyone else. I want to be able to afford dental insurance. I want to take my kids places. I want a normal life. Im drowning inside myself and I dont know what to do. God help me.
April 17, 2016
I am getting ready to graduate from high school on May 27th. Pray that as I get ready for college at Maranatha Baptist University to major in Missions that I have peace leaving home and my church. Thanks everyone!