April 20, 2016
I'm laying here. I can't sleep. My life sucks so bad. This isn't where I wanted to be at 34. I must of done something pretty bad in a past life for mine to end up like this. The only joy I get is when I get to shop even if its penny items. I love my daughter but I'd love her better if I had a say so in having her. I sit here in the dark at think to myself why. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person. I don't break the law. I don't steal and do bad things. Why can't I catch a break? I'm so got sick of this life. Where is my break? Is this how life supposed to be? If so why would I want to live? I'm a firm believer in God and everything happens for a reason but this is too much. I'm sick of carrying around this burden. When do I get to live? I'm sick of hearing give time or its gonna be ok. Its been 14yrs ... Nothing is going to work out or be ok. I'm sick of scraping by month to month. I'm tired of being nice and optimistic. I want to live. But what I'm living is not a life. I'm tired so tired. What about me? Everything I do is always for someone else. Maybe its my kids or me helping someone. I didn't myself and get myself pregnant yet everyday I must face a life in this prison called home. I'm constantly screaming to get out but no one hears me. God I beg you please, please help me or bring me home. Im so tired of doing whats right and having to be the underdog. Im tired of noodles. I want eat regular food like everyone else. I want to be able to afford dental insurance. I want to take my kids places. I want a normal life. Im drowning inside myself and I dont know what to do. God help me.
April 18, 2016
Thanks for viewing my prayer request. Tomorrow morning at 8:30 I stand before social security with a hearing officer I have been drawing benefits for 16 years and they seem to think I am magically healed from my attack and all my health isues. This is the first appeal but it would be great to have them reconsider and just put everything back to the way it was before. I don't want to have to get an attorney and go before a judge but if I have to then I will. I have heard a lot of people that are disabled lately getting their checks reviewed for no reason then they have to fight to keep it. I pray that the lord allows them to change their minds tomorrow and keep my medical and social security benefits going I would have no money no job and no where to live if they stopped it. I pray that everything will go good tomorrow in Jesus's name amen