June 17, 2013
I have been caring for my husband due to dhis eteriorating health since 1999. It started w/ his being on chemo, then a severe car accident that left him diasbled . I'm disabled myself but work to provide for us the best I'm able. I think the pain meds, depression, mini strokes and the enclosed head injury are bringing on dementia or a personality disorder of some type. I don't want to leave him; II don't want doctors to make him into a zombie w/ Rx; I selfishly want my husband back. Probably never going to happen, ever. He wants to move to warmer climate because he's so afraid of becoming paraplegic, should the next level of his spine become involved. I need to trust the Lord and not focus on my circumstances. I think I'm angry about where my life has led. This is sin and I need God's perspective on this but can't seem to get my head and heart aligned. I don't know what the answer is, so I'm praying for clarity. I'm also praying to mind my own business and let the Lord work on my sin (and let the Lord deal w/ my husband's). I'm so overwhelmed that my memory and concentration are effected. I keep praying for Ps 46:10a to soak in.