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True love and marriage

June 29, 2015

This year, 48, it's over due although didn't mind it much until now. To experience the emotions feelings and unity that God creates not just physically but in spirit, soul, that also unites and enjoy it. No not anyone from these wonderful prayer partners lol, but yes a lot of fervent prayer for this to not make any mistakes late in life concerning relationships, friendships and marriage. Soon very soon, as my birthday approaches labor day weekend. No lectures needed. Have no doubts that it's time. With all the terrible tragedies and cruelty in my life and having many troubles, love seems to be my request this year. No more waiting.

Need an answer from the Lord

June 29, 2015

My husband and I are in desperate need of a financial miracle from the Lord. Last time I was working which is about a year ago give or take. I got hired at a dental office and it was very close to home. I went for the interview everything went well, I made sure I told them I am a slow learner that it may take a little longer to catch on. So the next day they called me wanting me to start. I was working, my husband would drop me off on his way to work because we only have one vehicle. I noticed working there I was sliding back into the person I was when I lost without the Lord. Id been working there a few months then I got pulled into the office and was fired because I could catch on enough. They said I had a great personality working with the public but I was making to many mistakes. I was so upset because we desperately need the money. At the same time now today I feel it was the Lord that took me out of that atmosphere. I do have health problems that cause an issue, especially migraines and chronic fibro. My husband and I had started a bird rescue in our home I run it Christian base. We depend on donations in feeding them now. Our home desperately needs a new roof it leaks now, and we need some new windows put in. We haven't lived here long. Plus we have to build an Aviary for the birds. I'm not out to make a name or anything. There so much I want to do with my life making a difference to others. I want to share my testimony. I'd love to help babies that are born addicted to drugs. I'd love to be a foster home for them but again then we would need another room built.. I've been filing for disability, done went threw being turned down twice as far as paper work and when I went to see the judge. My lawyer thinks I could get it but we can't afford the waiting period. I got a letter in the mail stating it could take another 6 months to a year before I go before the judge again. I like to work, I am praying if all goes well maybe I could finish college online for counceling/psychology. We need a 2nd vehicle. I've got what it seems like a lot stack up against me. I truly believe and trust in the Lord. He has never failed me. It's like I have herd in the bible Lord, I believe but help my unbelief. My soul and spirit knows God is the answer and in control. My carnality is what causes me to worry.. Thank You for your prayers.. God Bless Your Day

Sharing my Testimony

June 29, 2015

TESTIFY, ENDURE AND FORGIVE We all have a Testimony about the things the Lord delivered and brought us thru within our lifetime. To be honest we should have countless testimonies because we are still here today by God's grace. Truly we can't count the many blessings that Jesus has bestowed upon us. Even the things we have and don't have know that God has spared us from. You may question "what is she saying"? How many times has something happened that made you late for a meeting or an appt? How many times has God spared you from that fatal accident when the red light stayed red a little longer? How many times have you been inpatient with the slow driver in front of you, when God stopped that child from running out in front of you, or the Deer totaling your only means of transportation? We must endure troubles and trials in our life time. Some things we go threw we will never fully understand "WHY ME" what did I do so wrong that this happen to me or my family or loved ones? But he is always there with you. When you cry, he cries with you. When you feel weak he gives you strength, even when you don't recognize it. Some things that some of us had/have to endure in our life time such as mental, physical, sexual, psychological could have latterly taken our minds. What if these things didn't happen to you, but your family member committed these acts. Maybe you're blessed and haven't had to experience or endure it, and the only thing you recognize is what you see on Life Time about a true story. Your heart goes out to these people. What if you encounter someone that has experienced a horrible abuse you could never imagine, but this person gets on your nerves by how they act. You don't know their story, but you see the response it has caused in their life. So think twice before you decide how to react. You could wake up in their shoes. These things could have engulfed you to the point you don't even recognize the person you see in the mirror, or your mind snapped so much that you take your very life. Maybe you're enduring the same or a different battle and your thoughts and reactions are of anger, hate, rage, and revenge. I've encountered people so full of rage they blame the lord and hate him with everything they have. Friend don't let the consume you, it's not who you are. The Lord did not cause this to happen to you. The person that preformed that act of violence or abuse gave into that ungodly temptation of the devil. That person allowed the devil to plant that ungodly act inside them. It wasn't God who done it. I feel in my heart for this to be true; God give us the freedom of choice in how we live our lives and serve the master we choose. He won't force his love on you, nor will he force you to love him. It's your choice! You can serve God or serve Satin. It's by your choice on how your life responds to you. I just pray that when the Lord deals with you that you choose to serve him. I will never force my beliefs on you. I just simply say I serve the Lord. It's by his grace I am still here today. So here is my Life's Testimony, and I pray the Lord helps you by reading this: It was a family member that abused me sexually, and I will not say the name or go into explicit detail. My reason being I forgave that person a long time ago, and this person is no longer living today. I choose not to drag this person in the much or cause an ungodly image in the families' mind of their missing loved one. I don't remember much of my childhood, only bits and pieces. Some things I thought I remembered were only pictures I have seen growing up or stories my Mother has told me. I don't know all of my family and some don't choose to recognize me because when I did tell nobody would believe me except for my mom and sister. Regardless I love them! My best way of describing myself threw out most of my life was very timid, easy going and egger to please people so that I could just fit in. Even to the point I would act, partly and dress like them. I never understood why I was like this as I started dealing with the abuses. But in learning from counseling on and off threw out my life and personal study and research I come to understand why I am the way that I am. This was I learned that I allowed things to happen because it was all I knew, and out of shame I didn't know how to respond, or how to act. I come from like many of you, a divorced family. A family without God in it, so it didn't stand a chance, and it ended with the entire negative finger pointing who did and didn't, I come from parents that wanted nothing but revenge against the other, and wanting satisfaction of one upping the other. I was a child of innocence caught up in the snare, being shaped by what I seen. (So parents be careful on how you retaliate in anger, you have an innocent child that wants so much to be like you) So I am left with a mother who done what only she new to do in raising me and sacrificing her very life for my safety. I had a mother lead by what she learned in her lifetime of growing up. (Can you see the cycle? You by the grace of God you can break it) By all means am I not saying she is this horrible person, and her parents were terrible, because I am not? She also come from a broken home and dealt with her own battles in her life and her story isn't mine to tell. So growing up wasn't easy the assaults, abuse my men. I felt like such an empty space that didn't belong. In the back of my mind I was nothing, a no body and my mere existence didn't count. I didn't even tell anyone what was going on, I just lived inside my shell. The popular kids in school were so cruel and so mean, but I wanted to be like them. To me they didn't have any problems, not a care in the world, they were pretty. I wanted so much to be like them, walk like them, talk like them and wear the cool clothes like they did, have the pretty hair, makeup and pretty teeth. Instead I would go home and pretend that nothing was happening and tried my best to block out my life. When I looked in the mirror I seen someone hideous, I hated her. I hated who she was, what she was about and the life she lived. At first I wasn't a Christian and I didn't believe in God or allow him to help me, lead me nor did I allow him to guide me. Well I need to correct that I knew God and of Jesus, but only in a small way of going to church with my grandparents, then time to time as my parents would take everything away such as make up, rock or country music. Then turn around and they would quit church and I would have everything back again. In my life time I will tell you that I am now into my 5th marriage and live in shame because of it being so many times. To give a slight description thru out it I can say that I grew to know and learn the hard way that victims of a horrible life are easily found and so very easily manipulated into thinking that abuse is the only way of life. When we meet and begin relationships we've already got that mind set of going to be abused to the point if we do find a good person, in retaliation of being abused we convince ourselves that it's the only way to live and we are unable to cope with a safe relationship because we don't trust it. As I am speaking to you about my testimony I would like to also add, not every druggie, criminal, thief or prostitute is a bad person. They have endured the same as you or I, the only difference is they turned to crime, drugs etc. in order to numb the pain. This same pain that wakes us up in the middle of the night or you see someone that reminds you of your attacker, or a simple trinket or flower triggers that memory. These same people go thru the same thing as you or I. They just slipped thru the cracks just like the rest of us. Maybe some of us mimicked what we seen mommy or daddy done. It's a vicious cycle YOU now have the power to change. Finally several years ago I finally started trusting in the Lord and he has truly helped me. I absolutely give him Praise for it. It happen in what I thought would take a life time to get over in a short period of time. I felt the Lord dealing with me over my abuser and I had found out that his life was in really bad shape and I actually felt pity for him. I had this urge and overwhelming need to get him a card. I don't remember exactly I had written word for word but I do remember writing "forgive me for taking so long to forgive you". So I found out where he lived and it wa in my mind to hand deliver it, but he wasn't home that day, so I left it for him. Friends I am telling you such a heavy load lifted off my shoulders but I wasn't fully over it. Them some great time passed and I felt the Lord dealing with me again. I felt him dealing with me to pray for him. That absolutely floored me, but I obeyed the Lord and done so. At first I will tell you that it really didn't come from my heart to pray for a man that literally ripped my family apart, because being honest with you hardly any of them believed me. So I continued to pray for this man and done my best at obeying the Lord, till one day I realized that my prayers for him become genuine. The Lord actually delivered me of that bondage and I was no longer a slave to it. Then on the last thing the Lord dealt with me over him was this, I found out his health was really bad and I purchased another card for him. I also gotten a prayer cloth for him and written inside that I found out he was sick and I was praying. As I went to church carrying the card with me I was thinking I could send it to him by a family member that started going. This family member wasn't there and I felt somewhat discouraged. Then at church that night I heard a lady give in prayer request for him stating he was in bad shape. My discouragement changed to hope and I give her the card asking her to take it to him. I will say that I and that abuser never spoke to one another and I rarely seen him. We never spoke, but I know God had turned what I thought my life was a curse in such an amazing testimony. I can tell you in all of my past relationships I was so beaten down to the point when I did have a relationship that was good, I alienated it and ran because I didn't know how to respond to a man that was loving, caring and understanding. Then there were abusive relationships/marriages that the men literally used me and controlled every aspect of my life and existence I had no hope. In my life time before I give it to the Lord I can tell you what it feels like to go hungry. I can tell you what it feels like to be beaten, raped. I can tell you what it feels like to be used so that you can give a man a son and have him taken away from you. I can tell you what it feels like to have to lay on your in order have something to eat and a roof over my head. I can tell you I know what it feels like to have a man tell you that if he wanted he could have me killed and get by with it. I can tell you I know what fear is. I can tell you I know how it feels to turn to alcohol and partying to numb the pain. I can tell you I know what it feels like to have my son taken away, and is serving a prison sentence to be let out and have fear of him. I can tell you how it feels to be suicidal and in a mental hospital for 2 weeks. I can tell you today what it feels like to have my entire family reject me because I refuse to live in the past. I can tell you what it feels like to suffer in body the pain of living such a hard life. I can tell you what it feels like to be broke and not able to afford the things needed to be able to afford to go to church like I would like to. So in closing I can say even though this is my 5th marriage, I no longer live in that continuous cycle of abuse that was done to me. My husband is an amazing loving man that I get to experience joy and life with like have never experienced. To be honest things in life that happens to us isn't fair and we question God, WHY? We all have the choice to choose life how we want it to be, some us fall under choices that people has made and it has really literally hurt us and shaken our foundation. For myself I can say that I choose to live my life serving a God that can heal the broken vessel and put such a love and forgiveness in my heart, which I will never be the same again. In my trust in the Lord he has taken what I once called a cursed life surrounded by Satan himself, into a renewed life with just enough visible scars to remind me I am no longer where I use to be. Now I am left with sharing my testimony in hopes to help others in saying you are not alone. There is nothing in this life that God cannot do. I serve a God that sent Moses to set his people free and parted the Red Sea. I serve a God that healed the sick, raised up the dead. I serve a God that became the stone that killed the giant. I serve a God and savior Jesus Christ that can wash away my tears, put a roof over my head, shoes on my feet, food at the table, and forgiveness of my falters and failures. Also in closing I can say, give it to the Lord, stand still and let God move. He will NEVER FAIL YOU, just TRUST in him. I was reading some passages out of the bible in the book of Job I want to share with you. If you're lost I pray you give your heart and life to the Lord. If you are saved and at the brink of giving in and backsliding or you have back slid, come back to God. He will help you when you feel there is no hope. I truly Praise the Lord and I freely give my all to him, for he is my everything.. I pray that this Testimony has helped you. It's my heart's desire to share it and be a blessing to others, not for my edification but for the edification of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. God Bless.. If you ever need a friend, someone to talk to please email me at testifyendureforgive@gmail.com or pm me I will get with you. If you have a church group or organization I can share my Testimony please contact me. It would be a blessing to help others..

Safe Place to Live

June 29, 2015

For the necessary finances to rent or own home in safe place and where our children can remain in their school.

Finding a Home!

June 29, 2015

I want to start out by saying God is so good! He has blessed my husband, Travis, and me in many ways! Our current landlords have informed us that they will be selling their home and will be moving into the house we are renting. Due to some family issues, a house that was promised to us, is no longer available to us. We are currently facing the status homelessness if we cannot find a place to live within the next month. The stress, depression, and anxiety have taken their place and I am praying they will be lifted from me. We know that God will always provide us with what we need. Please just pray for us and that a house or apartment comes available for us! God bless each and every one of you!


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