Fear - God's Will
July 10, 2012
I've been taking care of a disabled husband for over 10 years. The medications often make him reflexively argumentative and mean. Sometimes this is because he takes too much medication; othertimes I think he's still angry about not being able to work. I became disabled about 15 years before he had his accident. I've been working part-time. Thank the Lord for the opportunity to have health insurance. Being at home with him has created so much anxiety in me that I've lost over 50 lbs. I have the opportunity to be interviewed for a full-time job on 7/13. I think being out of the house would be good for me but, I'm worried about being able to keep up with a full-time work schedule. Yet, maybe being away from him more will help me to be more composed when I'm at home. I'm concerned that I prepare for the results of the interview. Either way, I want to be a witness for Christ. I know God is in control but I also know that opportunity doesn't mean permission. Please pray for grace and mercy, both for my caring for my husband and the interview. Until the last couple of weeks I've felt very distant from Him. I've not been loving or patient. I can feel pride welling inside me, fear that I will be embarassed if I don't get the job and wanting God to fix me and "fixing" my marriage.