how to forgive? how to get through depression?
July 17, 2012
i am dealing with intense unforgiveness. rationally, i know why i should forgive -- for christian reasons, and for practical reasons. i have tried so hard and just when i think i forgave, some trigger or something sets me back off. there is rage and anger and depression. i am so mad at myself for 1. getting involved with people i knew would betray me and hurt me and 2. getting upset when surprise! they did exactly what i knew they would. i stuck my hand in a nest of snakes and was all surprised when i got bit. i wasn't an angel either, i reacted badly for so long to so many bad people and bad situations that i got myself into. i am struggling and failing to forgive, and i am struggling and failing to stay out of depression. god promises to not just deliver us, but to lead us out singing. i am away from Them, forever, but i still look back and i still hurt. i don't know why i want approval of people i don't even really like. i am a bigger fool than i ever realized.