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February 07, 2012

Growing up, my brother diligently antagonized and bullied me. My father, he too, was antagonistic. My mom was Mrs. Sunshine. There was no mention of my marrying a good man, much less any talk about my future. Our home w/me, my brother, mom, & dad -- was a man's home. The closest men I've known - my brother, father, and husband, do not/did not share my love for Jesus. When I gave my life to Jesus (once at 12, and at 33). I was provided deep insight into people's lives in "comparison" - the natural man versus the spiritual man. What a difference in a family's life with the fathers, brothers, and sons reading, following, and keeping God's word. IF YOU'RE A MAN, YOU ALREADY MAKE A DIFFERENCE TO US. So, make it a positive one. I heard a girl say "he brought me in with his kindness and pushed me out with his violent darkness" wow my feelings of pain for her and my IMAGINING her as ALREADY IN VICTORY. I send THAT girl love and IMMENSE LIGHT. Seeing how differently and more victoriously my life would have been, had my closest "men" followed HIM, I wept for days, months, and off and on for years. 4 years ago, my father and I underwent MASSIVE HEALING. Know how I did it? I IMAGINED FROM MY WISH FULFILLED AND GOD'S WILL BE DONE. It was a year-long investment on my part. Every thought I had about my dad was switched to my loving him - no matter what. I see him being respectful and kind to me. Listening & and encouraging me. Once I was able to relax into my loving him, I realized forgiveness was not an option, forgiveness was a requirement that naturally occurred. Know what else? I've naturally, with all my radiance of God coming through me, have forgotten the negative past. IN MY RELAXATION, I finally recieved answers for his reasons of antagonism, in the past. For 3 years now, we are rock solid. I love him with ALL my heart. Had my wish for him to receive punishment came true - that would have broken my heart - for the love we share now - is far greater than I had imagined. OUR healing, OUR love... but NOW WHAT do I do...... he has not given his life to Christ. I have been soooo deeply saddened. I won't see my ONLY BIO FATHER in heaven? How sad. I already choose to hug my dad right now,.. and not let go. He lives a few hundred miles from me, and I treasure every moment we have. And my brother? A retired marine and policeman? His only God that I know of, is worshipping my dad. I breathe deeply asking God for guidance with my brother. He hurt me deeply in the past, and I am working on my forgiveness. My son's father,.. I choose to know the right words. My son's father was the first and the only true opposition I had received in my natural life and I am praying he will forgive me and take accountability for himself, and give his life to the Lord Christ Risen, and be a MAN for our son... I have no condemnation for my son's father, only love, and wishes for God's protection over my humility. Please pray for my father, my brother, and my husband, soon to be ex-husband. God and I are good with my doing His Will, and it entails getting the divorce (even after my six years of trying, when our son is only 7.) I love you even though you may not know me. I am praying for you ~ he or she who hears my plea. I receive and re-give back to you ~ your love and prayers to you 10-fold. Thank you, mi amor. Thank you! GOD YOU ARE HOLY. THANK YOU. IN CHRIST'S NAME. AMEN.

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