August 22, 2014
I grew up in an alcohol and drug addicted home. Most of the time my 2 siblings and myself were left to our own defenses, locked out side all day only allowed to come in to use the restroom or if we were called to do something for our parents. My mother was always working hard to put dinner on the table while my father stayed home drinking and doing drugs. I was the oldest child and did my best to shelter and look after my brother and sister. At the age of 7 I began cooking all the meals in the home with mostly consisted of quesadillas, eggs and top roman because that's all I knew how to cook. And I would bath, dress and get them to their bus stops every day before walking to school. This continued until age 9 when my mother and father separated. Things improved a little bit because we were no longer witnessing drug abuse or around bad people but my mother still had to work to support us so we moved to a one bedroom house where I continued to look after my siblings. Throughout this time we never heard the word of God or were ever in church or Sunday school. I knew there was a God because my mother would sing our prayers to us when she would get off of her double shifts. Soon my mother was involved with a mother drug addicted alcoholic who basically treated us like slaves and my mother followed suit. We were forced to clean all day, wash walls, do all laundry, dishes, clean bathrooms, living areas, every room in house except parent's room. We were not allowed to have snacks or treats that my mother and her partner were allowed to have and were once again locked outside unless we were called in to make a sandwich for our step father or refill his glass. We were not allowed to leave the yard and were severely punished for simple things like leaving a ketchup bottle out on the table or if they found a dirty dish we had washed. We were beaten, forced to stand all day in the corner and grounded for weeks at a time to our beds, unable to move from your bed, no reading or singing or anything, you had to sit or lay on your bed silently. There were always bad people in and out of our lives. Drug addicts, child molesters, people involved in pornography and people who loved scaring us and tormenting us with tales of demons and hell. One man stomped on my kitten, killing it. I went to bury it and I put a cross on its make shift grave. He took the cross down and said that my kitten was going to go to hell at midnight because it did not have a cross on its grave. I cried and all day tried putting crosses on its grave just to have him break and remove them. I stayed up until midnight and sneaked outside to put a cross on the kitten's grave just before midnight to ensure that he would go to heaven. This same man played similar tricks on us for the three years we lived near him. Many other horrible and mean things were done to me or my siblings throughout our lives and we witnessed many unkind and evil acts. In fourth grade a Sunday school van came by our house and some men and women form the church talked to us about God and Jesus and asked to talk to our parents our parents slammed the door on them but they smiled patted our heads and said they would be back. They came back multiple times and we begged my mother to allow us to go to church on the bus. After months of asking she finally agreed. Our life never changed, my parents continued to have the same friends and live the same way but I changed!!!! I had hope that I never had before, felt love that I never knew and I knew one day everything would be different. I did well in school and always looked passed the neglect and abuse at home knowing fully that I would be set free from all this pain one day. To be honest many times throughout high school I would pray for God to kill me, take me to heave. I would feel hapless, trapped. But no matter how bad it got I always heard a voice deep within me saying, hold on, wait, it is going to be ok. You will make it! I never fully gave up hope and always believed in God and Jesus. When I turned 18 went into the Air Force, shortly after were married to a wonderful man, joined a God loving, bible believing church and now have 2 children of my own. I love the Lord with all my Heart and my mind and all my soul. My husband and I have been married for nearly 10 years now. It has not always been easy and many times I have wanted to give up but I know that God is with me, He always has been with me and He will always be there! He is my true love and my foundation. I'm writing this to let you know there is Hope, there is Love. God's love and peace is better than any a person can give. You just need to trust Him, and let him rule your life. It doesn't matter if you're living in hell God will take away the pain, tears, and sadness. He will make you whole again and heal your winds. You're never too far to Brocken to empty to be made whole again and to receive Gods amazing love and forgiveness. Don't forget about the children, they are innocent without love from strangers and food and personal care items like soap and shampoo left by strangers at our door step we would have gone without. People knew what kind of people my parents were and many offered little help because of it. I am so thankful to God for sending those few angels who saw past my parents and touched the lives of my siblings and myself.